Corporate Colin: Get back in your box Theresa May or we’ll shut you down!

Well you’ll excuse me if I have a little rant but when you’re a Director in a multi-billion Corporation, I find it a little frustrating when some jumped up woman who wasn’t even voted in to Government suddenly starts cutting down on the immigration deals that we set up with David Cameron and Gary Osborne or whatever his name was.

Listen Theresa.  We were here long before you muddled your way into the role of Prime Minister and we’ll be here long after you’ve gone.  We’ve already put Sturgeon back in her box  and got her singing the company song and it’s about time you started singing along as well.

So, what has got me so riled?

Well, everybody knows we make more money if we bring migrants over here to replace the British workers.  They’re cheaper, they’ll work all night if we tell them, and you can get twelve of them to share a bedroom.  Agreed, they’re feckin useless but when you’ve got Ministers paying you out of the public purse – who gives a shit!  The Government’s not going to stop it.  Every time they raise the issue, we tell them there’s a skills crisis and we need more migrants.  Gary Osborne knew his place and David Cameron just did as Osborne told him.

So, now we’ve got this jumped up woman as Prime Minister and she’s started asking questions.  First she refuses to increase migration limits from India and then she starts saying “we’re going to crack down on bosses that play the game.”

Well I have one message for you little woman.  Bring IT!

We’ve got money, we’ve got you by the balls with your IT systems and we can bring your whole public sector crashing down around your ears if you don’t do as your told.  Silly little woman.

In fact – we’ve got you stitched up like a kipper

  • We screw you over with your computer systems. Under-estimating and over-running.  We get paid billions for our systems whether they work or not
  • Every time you raise the issue, we say Skills Crisis and bring more people in
  • We can sack UK workers without a second thought because no Minister is going to take us on – UK Law, EU Law – go feck yourselves.  We’re too big
  • If anybody over here in the Industry raises any questions then we blacklist them so they can never work again
  • We tell you that we need apprentices over here but that they need to be trained.  So we get you to pay us to employ British apprentices so it looks good, and we charge you for the training as well – just as it should be.  And then we sack them as soon as you’ve finished paying and we bring in more Migrants.
  • You try and shut us down, and we’ll shut your IT infrastructure down.  Try it – Air Traffic Control, Flights, Fuel, Utilities, Tax, DWP, NHS, even Passport Control and Immigration – you name it, we control it and we can shut it down whenever we want and there’s feck all you can do about it


So Theresa May.  Learn one thing.  We control your IT.  We own you as a Government and a country and if we want to sack British Workers and bring in cheap migrants to make more money for our shareholders – we will!  And not you, not Brexit and not even Trump can stop us.

Try it.

We’ll shut you down!





Corporate Colin – 09.10.2016 – Sir Keir Starmer – your cheque is in the post

As always I like to keep my finger on the political pulse and be ready to throttle it if it doesn’t say what we tell it to. Equally, I’m all for rewarding a politician who does a good job of “fetching the stick” as we call it in the corporate world.

David Cameron was one of the best stick fetchers we’ve ever had, and Tony Blair before him (so long as he got a percentage of the stick). The problem is though that with Government in disarray, finding stick fetchers is very difficult.

Anyway, either cos he actually believes the crap that we’ve been telling him, or because he’s expecting a pat on the head for doing a good job – but Sir Keir Starmer has done a perfect job on the Andrew Marr show today -and for that sir you deserve a pat  on the head and a doggy treat.

I’m paraphrasing but my favourite bit was “Every where I travel around the country it is clear there is a skills crisis.”

I couldn’t have put it better myself. There’s a “skills crisis” which is why we’re bringing food foragers over that we can pay peanuts rather than the proper going rate in the UK.

There is no skills crisis. This is all about us corporate fat cats making us much money as we can out of the cheapest people we can find. We say skills crisis and the stick fetchers don’t even question it. I particularly love the dumb ones.

Anyway, Sir Keir, your little doggy treat is on its way 😀

Corporate Colin – 08.10.16 – we’re not racist, we just pay as little as we can

Hi guys,

My name is Colin and I am the CEO of a multi-national IT company that was originally founded in America, although nearly everything is now based in India.
I just wanted to put the record straight on all these Tier2 visas and H1B visas, because I know some  people have started to question the practise.

First of all, we’re not underpaying these people. If we weren’t paying them enough then I’m sure they’d simply stay at home foraging  for food and living off the land as they were when we found them.

Secondly, we aren’t treating  these people badly at all. Back in their country you will often find two or three whole families sharing a house which is no bigger than my front porch, so to have 11 or 12 people sharing a two bedroom apartment in Edinburgh is really a step up.

Thirdly, we don’t abuse their employment rights because as your politicians will confirm – they have no employment rights. The alternative for them is a life of foraging  for food so obviously they WANT to do all these extra hours just to please us – and they never ask for more money. It is nothing to do with us abusing them, they abuse themselves. We simply let them.

Fourthly, I know their skills have been brought into question, but they’re cheap. OK, we charge the government the same as we would for a UK or US worker and make an absolutely massive profit, but that is business. It’s called global economics. It’s not abuse and it would be wrong for the Government to pay us less for migrant workers just because of the colour of their skin.

Finally, we don’t abuse the indigenous workers here in the UK or in the US. They simply don’t want to work  for us for what we are willing to pay. Again, that is called global economics. We are more than willing to consider any UK or US worker who is willing to share with 10 other people in a two bedroom apartment, work 20 hours a day without overtime and supplement their income by foraging for food.

Finally, please don’t listen to these people who criticise us big corporations for the way we use migrant workers. They’re just anti immigration and bigots.