Coming to a Toy Store near you – the new Scottish Government CAP System – Not a Cluedo

It’s the new board game we’ve all been waiting for.

A cross between Strategy and Cluedo!  It’s

CAP System – Not a Cluedo!”

Pulp_Alley_Cluedo_BLAM_2015_2

Roll the dice, ignore the misleading Spokeswoman and try and eliminate your opponents by collecting Tier 2 Migrant Workers.

Your task is to design and build a computer system to pay EU subsidies to Scottish Farmers.

Your first task is to appoint a Delivery Director.  You have a choice between Dominic, Colin, Ian, Andy, and Father Christmas but you can’t make the choice yourself.  First you must roll the dice to see who is going to make the decision, where and with what.

Will it be The Corporation in the Interview Room with the Rolling Contract? or will it be Richard in The Park with His Bicycle? Perhaps it will be Ian in The Canteen with Invisible Ink or even Jonathan in The Dark with Bad Advice?

Once you’ve got your decision maker and appointed a Delivery Director,
the next step is to design and build your computer system.

For this you’ve got another set of cards giving more options.  Perhaps it will be 400 Contractors in One Room with a Keyboard and a Mouse but No Computer. Perhaps it will be 300 Tier 2 Migrants in Delhi Spur with Bloated CVs or perhaps it will be A Handful of Permies in The Office with A Bit of Training.

You may succeed, but history has a way of repeating itself so
you’re going to need to get your excuses ready and for this you have even more cards to choose from.

Perhaps it failed because The System was Very Complex and we Needed More Time.  Perhaps it was because The Staff were Lazy and Work Shy and Needed Replacing.  Whatever the possible outcomes from your stack of excuses you must be ready.

Finally, you need a backup plan.  Will it be The English DEFRA Solution?  Perhaps it will be A Spreadsheet written by an Intern? or could it be a £20m Loan Scheme and Underwritten Payments?

With such an exciting game, you will be riveted for years to come.

Yours now for the princely sum of £200million.

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