Dopey Dave’s Ramblings – 12.01.2016 – still can’t pay the chuffin farmers!!

standing-dunce-cartoonI don’t believe it – here we go again.

Just had the father in law on the phone again, “Now then David, where’s my money?”

“You’ve got it!” I tell him

“Do you think if I’d got my money, I’d be wasting my breath on you!”

Then he calls me a moron, and tells me that he wouldn’t trust me to pay for his weekly shopping.

“Let’s be honest, David.” he says to me, “with your track record, if I gave you money to get my shopping you’d spend three times what I planned and come back with nothing but feckin magic beans and a load of promises.”

So, then I go into the office and call in the management team and ask them, “has anybody been paid, yet?”

“Well we generated 4000 payments last month.”

“But has anybody actually been paid yet?”


100!! I can just imagine the father in law – “£200m paid and you managed to pay just 100 farmers.  You absolute feckin moron.  Thats £2m per farmer for this crappy IT system.”

“100?!!” I ask the question, close to tears.  I thought I’d managed to get myself back off the sofa and into the bedroom, but with news like that – I’ll be sleeping with the lawnmower.

“Well, it’s like we said.  We generated 4000 payments last month, but then when we sent them to SEAS we found that we could only get 100 to go through.  Any larger numbers than that and the whole SEAS systems clogs up or crashes.”


“The Scottish Executive Accounting System.”

“So what’s the plan?”

“Well, we could process 100 payments per day.”

I’m dead!  Why did I ever trust this flaming management?  Why did I let them sack all the workers and bring their own in?  God help us.

At 100 payments per day, then it will take 220 days to pay 22,000 farmers – and if we’re only doing part payments first, we’re gonna have to do it twice so that’s 440 days.

In working days, of which there are 253 in 2016, we’re looking at farmers getting their final payments Q4 2017.  This is a disaster!




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