Dopey Dave’s Ramblings – 5.12.2015 – WTF has happened to the CAPs System?

OMFG, WTF has happened to this soddin’ CAPs system?

“Leave it to us, Dave.”

“Everything’s fine, Dave.”

“It’s just a glitch, Dave.”

It’s more than a feckin Glitch.  It’s a total, utter, feckin disaster.  Nothing sodding works FFS – the area offices are still typing in soddin’ SAF Forms – 10,000 of the feckers!


I was told they’d finished doing that nearly a year ago – and now I find out they’re still typing them in and even now the system can’t even do that.  FFS.

I wouldn’t mind, but the father in law’s coming round for christmas and I just know he’s gonna lean across the dinner table with his ogre breath and give me that old, “Now then David, how’s my BPS subsidy coming along?”

The wife’s had me sleeping on the couch since we told the farmers they’re not getting their money on time and now I’m being told there’s a minor problem with the December payments. Minor!! Nothing’s feckin’ minor with this system.  How the hell did I get myself in this mess?!!

FFS.  A toilet that won’t flush is a minor problem – and we’ve got enough of them in Saughton – dirty feckers! This isn’t a toilet that won’t flush, this is the whole soddin’ farming industry in Scotland on it’s chuffin knees – and all cos I believed all this bullshit about this flamin’ CAPs system.

“It’ll be fine, Dave.”

“We’ve got a new Delivery Director, Dave.”

and now, all I get is “We need more staff to make it work on time, Dave” – all the soddin’ time!!

How many times have I heard that crap?!!  They’ve had more staff working working on it for over a year now – fat lot of good that did us.  All we’ve got is fourteen blocked toilets and the canteen smells like a chuffin’ curry house!

And don’t get me going about the farmers.  Every morning I open the curtains and they’ve NOT sprayed the front of the house with manure is a good day.  I’m scared to face them.  What the hell do I tell them?

“Sorry guys, you’re not getting paid cos I believed all the bullshit these people told me about the computer system.” – and how much have we paid those b*stards?!!

Time for a whisky I think and then back to the couch!


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