Scottish Government says CAP Payment System is right on track – and a new runway is being built at Saughton House for the flying pigs to land

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Well it would appear that the top brass in Scottish Government have sent out a memo to tell everybody what a wonderful job they are doing with the Rural Payments system.

Apparently some 15% of applications are blocked and of the other 50% that they can’t process they think they understand what is wrong.

That’s great.  So they have a good 35% of applications that they think they can process if…

  • They manually update some of the data
  • They turn off some of the validation
  • They ignore half of the regulations
  • Little Green Men from Mars turn up and vote SNP

The top brass have warned of difficult times ahead, scrutiny and the need to work 24 hours a day to get everything working and ready.

They’ve also issued some ideas for how to improve network performance which they fear might slow the system down (rofl)

  • Turn off all browsers
  • Don’t video conference
  • Ask all your colleagues to log out
  • Run naked around a willow tree chanting:

I’m a little SAF Form
Green and thin
Open me up
and type me in

One day per page
It’ll take to save
200 million 
is what we’ve paid

I’m a little farmer
short and stout
don’t worry about me
I’ll live on nowt

I’m a dev director
big and tall
pay me a fortune
you’ll get …

 

 

 

 

 

 

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