Rumours are that the new Migration Advisory Committee, chaired by David Cameron has proposed a solution to the tide of migrants trying to sneak into the UK in the backs of lorries in Calais.
An anonymous source contacted this blog and told us:
“All migrants who can spell computer in any language, even if they make up that language, will be given Tier 2 visas designed for highly skilled workers and will be brought into the country to work on Government Projects.”
“We have concluded that it is better to have these people working and paying taxes than it is to have them involved in mass action on the borders. Agreed, we will have to sack a lot of UK workers to make room for them and we will never ever deliver a Government IT Project again but we’re already sacking UK workers to bring in Migrants and we can’t remember the last time we delivered a Government IT project on time and to budget anyway, so really it will change nothing.”
The Education Minister was a little concerned that this action would increase youth unemployment, especially amongst university graduates who have suffered a dramatic increase in long term unemployment since the Government first started sacking UK workers and bringing in migrants to do their jobs.
A spokesperson close to the Education Minister told us, “We had been worried about graduates being out of work, but we’ve solved this problem by offering a degree course in working at McDonalds, a degree course in stacking shelves and a degree course in picking up litter. This means that graduates will be able to train for the jobs that migrant workers don’t want to do.”
When asked how this will be implemented, the Home Office told us that they are already aware of a large number of IT Agencies that simply act as fronts for offshore companies. These agencies advertise UK jobs and then destroy the CVs of anybody who applies before asking the Government for leave to bring in migrant workers to do the work on the basis that nobody applied for the job.
A spokesperson claiming to be from the Home Office told us: “We will use these agencies and simply hand out Tier 2 visas in Calais. This will solve all the problems the French are having at the moment.”